


A Continual Loop

by zarabithia



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Child Death, Cry For Justice, M/M, Pre-New 52
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-09
Updated: 2010-01-09
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: After the Roy-specific events of "Cry For Justice," Dick gets a phone call from Dinah.





	A Continual Loop

"It's Roy." Dinah's voice is clipped and quite obviously struggling not to cry.

Dick doesn't know what she's about to say after that, but he's been a hero long enough that he immediately imagines the worst possible scenario. And suddenly he's standing there in the kitchen of the Manor, without any feeling in his knees, trying to stop his mind from playing the constant loop of every interaction he's ever had with Roy Harper.

 _(At the lair, in the Arrow Cave, in the Batmobile, at the Tower, searching for Lian, the cruise to Ireland, back at the Tower, Dick's first apartment, and back at the Tower again.)_  
  
When you're dying, your life is supposed to flash before your eyes. Dick's almost died enough times to know that isn't true, but when Dinah calls him and speaks those first words, Dick's life, as defined by the moments he's spent with Roy Harper, flashes through his mind.

There's a terrible pause between those first two words and Dinah finishing what she called to say. Dick doesn't push, though, he can't. Mostly, because he can't get his voice to work.

 _(first kisses, fumbled handjobs, that first obtained porn, equally fumbled blowjobs, "do you actually wax your legs?", figuring out the right position for anal intercourse, "hey, the handcuffs are fuz-")_  
  
"He's in the hospital," Dinah finally says, losing the battle against the sobs entirely.

Relief won't come. Dinah is crying too hard, and this is a woman who led the _League_. She isn't soft. She isn't weak. She's crying for a reason.

Dick's mouth won't work long enough to ask "why?"

He barely gets out "where?"

The flight is entirely too long, and full of memories that do nothing but haunt Dick. Every wound Roy's ever had, ever argument they've ever fought...Dick still can't fully feel his knees and his fingers fly automatically on the control.

_(falling, five bullet wounds to the chest, "I loved her too," "stay down," "except he was never a junkie" )_

When he reaches the hospital and he walks through the front doors, feeling suddenly comes back to his knees. Not only does he have feeling, but his legs feel like they are weighted down with boulders and full of lead. He forces them to move, dreading each move forward.

He ignores the doctors and nurses, ducking attempts to hold him back. He walks into the room where Roy is hooked up to nearly half a dozen machines, trying to keep him stable. Dinah's eyes are still red, and she's sitting cuddled with the rest of Roy's family.

"...Roy's arm," Dinah tells him, and Dick tries to imagine his Roy, his _archer_ without his _arm_. But he can't do it, anymore than he can look at any of Roy's family in the eye.

"Wasn't sure you'd come," Mia says, and it stings that any former Titan would think he wouldn't be here immediately. But Mia hasn't ever seen the Titans at their best, has she?

It's been a long time since the Titans have been the best. And, Dick has to admit, it's been a long time since Dick's done anything but walk away from his team.

_(after the failed wedding, Donna's death, walking away from the Outsiders, to guard Gotham)_

Dick sits down heavily at Roy's bedside, determined not to repeat that particular mistake.


End file.
